RELATIONSHIPS: (The Challenge With Togetherness.) Now that I got your attention I'll sign off now. Thanks for visiting, Ha! Just kidding;)

All musings aside, I think, this is obviously an important area and topic of discussion and one that affects all of our lives everyday as it's the very fabric and underpinning and the very nature of life and existence itself and what we deal with and experience everyday in some way. It's worth discussing and worth taking a look into out own lives and seeing if there's something we may glean from them that may make them better than they are or at least help us avoid situations and experiences we rather not have or get ourselves into, or, to welcome with open arms a rendezvous with Love or with just a great thing.

But I'm specifically talking more about the romantic or intimate or more personal side of them here with honorable and hopefully helpful carry over and beneficial insights into its general theme. I have some things I'd like to share with you that might hit a note of Truth and maybe even one in you that possibly you can get something out of. This won't apply to everyone. I know that. Those others are the lucky ones and our best examples and the ones who have it right or mostly right and what you can call True Love and True partnering. But for the ones to whom it may apply it could make all the difference in the world.

I should say here this is not going to be a Dear Abby

on relationships or necessarily a discourse or

expose 'on what's going on with this heady topic and in the Cloak and Dagger (kind of kidding;) or back alleys of the "You and Me" part of Life and living from an expert in the field. No, that's not me. I'm not an expert or that formally learned on the subject. I'm just a regular joe who has lived some Life and I have my higher knowing and some insights and observations and my own understandings, I guess you can say. It may not be perfect or complete and i think it would be a disservice and disingenuine to try to be that here but i think I have some things to say. I know i don't have it all right. No one does. But I think I can more than touch the edges of it. Also, some things don't have to said. They are just known.

Yeah, you might call this just a Dear Spiritual Rocky conversation or conveyance that could have the potential of lightening and enlightening an often dark or negative subject matter waiting for its time in the Sun and a nice slice of the Sweet, to bring understanding and insight and positive clarity into the picture rather than fear or worry or hopelessness. But frankly, anybody could convey their thoughts or impressions or share something on any of this. The reality is living Life has a way almost of making you an instant expert on this subject no problem.

There are many people looking out there for someone or that right someone or maybe after the wrong someone(s) or after many of them as many of us want or need to have someone in our lives for natural reasons, and a key reason is they don't want to be alone. People are lonely. That's sadly True. This probably gets the reward for stating the obvious. But, it is True. And you got to feel for the ones stuck in its clutches or grips of loneliness and sometimes despair who feel like they are alone. It' hard. And that hurts. And no one is immune. But in it there is a Golden door to liberation for the hurting soul who comes to find its temporary hold and comes to the realization and awareness no one Truly is.

Loneliness is often the reality though for those that look for that Special someone and why they are unhappy and for those who just need someone and a presence there in their life if only just in their day. Who's not been there, you know. Many want someone in their life to ride this Life with in that Special way in all the great feelings and Beautiful ways and even more than that to just share it all with with that exchange of Sweet smile and deep and sincere sentiment and closeness of heart. There's also the very real and needless to say True and valid aspect and desire and need to have a family that can make a relationship the best and most special and worthwhile thing about it causing the most happiness and joy and fulfillment and contentment in Life.

What I've learned and that may be hard to completely appreciate is that many are alone including without children in their lives is because of the need to work on their inner Life and their Spirituality even though we're working on this all the time that that work is front and center and most necessary and important in one's life more than what anyone wants to otherwise have happen in it. I know that can be a hard thing to accept.

In addition, I have learned that the inability to have children, for example, could stem from beyond this life where an agreement was made to work on one's spiritual life to learn and grow from the experience and to have this as the major theme and soul work one is to do as hard and as challenging as that realization or fact can be consciously, or not. Absent this particular Life situation as to why someone may be alone it can feel just as sensitive and difficult to live with and to live out. Not much consolation and solace though for those who don't think this way in their longing for family or for those who don't have someone in their life for whatever reason. That's why the work is required.

For some looking to food is their solace and comfort and relief if they don't yet have anyone serious in their Life. Who wouldn't if it makes you feel a little bit better and if for a moment or two gets you out of a tough feeling or place or even Hell; especially if it's good:) But, ultimately, the benefit or relief is short lived and really doesn't solve the problem someone could be facing or trying to deal with in this way and may compound it. It just covers over or masks what's going on albeit better than how they were feeling but it's not a genuine happiness or good feeling like they would feel or have if they didn't feel the need to absorb or handle their sorrow or discontentment in this way. The real issue(s) keeps roaring back like a thief in the night. This is just like other reasons we may seek some relief or comfort or solace where we may be or find ourselves like movies, shows, music, social interactions, friends, and the like, which can be great and work like a charm but they're temporary visitors and helpers helping us along the way on our way to our our True saving grace and real healer and the comforting and liberating Truth within.

I've learned also sometimes if say a woman isn't interested in a partner at the moment for whatever reason or had a bad experience or just wants that kind of relationship or person to stay away from them they will actually put on weight to be less attractive or less desirable. This seems a natural thing to want to do and have happen.

Other than the reasons some can't find themselves in a relationship or can't have what they want to have in it when they are in a relationship what prevents or makes it harder to enjoy it or to ride more smoothly in it in a joyous Life and in the dreams and visions they have imagined or made with another. Well, we should look at that and see what we can find and see what's missing in the equation in matters of the heart.

Let's say there are some people who don't tend to be good in relationships because they don't know who they are or who they are really creating themselves to be and what their real role or responsibility is in it and creating something false and not real and not good instead. That can happen. And I think that happens a lot. Let's also say they also deny what's calling them to have the best possible relationship and to realize who they really are but keep attracting what's familiar but old and not workable anymore and keep denying or not completely accepting who they really are so are just left with the least of the better, and the most of the worst. Let's also add and say that they cannot give or be what they don't know they can't then experience and create to be and have and give and share with another so leaving both without and sorely challenged and unhappy. Let's just also say it's hard to argue otherwise.

In the wanting they ask, but don't often receive. You wonder what's going on there. There might be a greater wanting and asking rather than a knowing of the receiving and so stalling the receiving because of so much of the asking. That might sound like a funny or weird way to put it but I think you can ask so much because you doubt the arrival what is theirs to receive. But if we do receive we can be left unfulfilled or unsatisfied or disillusioned or even hurt in some way somehow possibly because of the wrong approach to Love from any side of the relationship or just because of having met the wrong person left to endure, then, a potentially difficult or maybe even tortuous situation someone will need to get out of they may be knee deep in already if they are on the receiving end of something that's not good or right enough yet or ready for prime time. Boy. whooh. Not fun, huh. But if that's what's going on you can assume it affects both in the relationship when it's fully realized though one tends to be more affected than the other and on the harder end of that. There's also too much giving. Believe it or not that can happen. But endless need and the desire to please are the harbingers and killers of relationships because they go against and violate self fulfillment and conditional unconditional Love and the Truth and ease of simplicity of Being.

So why is this? Why can't we get it right and get that right one or right someone in our life and be in a relationship that works out in the best way and for the better. To not have this as our experience is disheartening and needless to say not a place we care to be in or care to experience with all the emotions and feelings that come along with it. Is there something we need to look at more closely and something just better for us to avoid the maelstrom of relationship having or getting but also finding one by dire luck and not fortunate luck and experiencing all the after affects and sometimes negative consequences of all of that. To speak honestly here there are also just not very nice or good people out there, and some are the ones we may meet in these kinds of relationships as in anywhere. Also, personalities, agendas, disengenuine reasons, personal visions and dreams, high or unstable or too overly focused expectations, and not clear ideas are some of the reasons it just doesn't work out, stating the obvious here.

A lot of times it's how someone with good intentions acts in a relationship and just what anyone is doing in it. Also, we could examine and ask ourselves what do we consider or mean by the designation of right. Sometimes what's right is not and is more than less wrong depending on your motives and intentions and who you may have with you. Another great and True reality is that someone people should not be together. There's something where tangential lines are crossed and not in alignment and there's no harmony and compatability or workability in their relationship across many factors and areas though in the best cases may try to make it work. Hidden visions, likes and dislikes, work angles handling and how someone treats the relationship are some of the things not doing much good for it and can get in the way of a good partnership and a good time. But no one really has to tell them. They already know even though maybe not to each other. And when things are not going too good or going badly its time get out of dodge and hit the road before things really get out of control.

Another challenge in relationships is that we can tend to give our all for someone and focus all our attention on them which can be beautiful and great and wondrous and rewarding overall when Love is in the air and I'm sure stories out there of the great and beautiful thing that happened because of it. We all can just fantasize about that. But I think you can make an argument that most relationships have a hard time working with this too well and reaping its full benefits because it can go off hte rails too easily and can use more balance and mutual reciprocation for both in the partnership. It can be a Love story but the Love has to be strong and True and just more stable and sane.

I think If you're filling a need for someone, for example, in your relationship but still self fulfilled and not needing the same as long as the other person doesn't take advantage of it and takes hold of their own self-fulfilling power and capabilities, you are most likely Ok and not in a precarious or imbalanced situation that won't go anywhere too good or too far. But if the opposite is the case, well, you know, you could find yourself in need along with them because there's a taking more than a mutual giving and receiving and so everyone is strained and struggling because this isolated giving and receiving is not in accord with not needing but accepting, and not having to give, but offering, mutually.

You see, you can't lose yourself this way because it's all free and unbothered and unencumbered by need or desire or expectation of reciprocation and doesn't drain you if you don't give it or don't receive it. It's also not bound to a false satisfaction or pleasure because you can always come back to yourself to be fulfilled and valid and worthy to another.

If you're losing yourself in a relationship that's the worst thing that can happen really. Don't lose yourself. That's not good. It's not supposed to be why you got into the relationship and it's something you normally don't or shouldn't want to have happen. You lose yourself, you lose it all. If someone's that great more reason to keep All of You for them, and, for you. If someone is looking for that Special one and you either give too much or help too much and do begin to lose yourself and your sense of reasoning and balance in thought and action and just in your person in the relationship they really won't have you or what they're looking for or anything enduring since it's been diminished even though they could be causing it all or have a hand or their part in it.

Someone can try to give you what you want but they should be adding to, not replacing, you or what is only yours to give you. What they have may make all the difference in the world and that's just great, but that's their part, not yours. You have to make sure you're the one receiving what you want to give, as giving to yourself, really, is the only way to Truly have anything. Otherwise you're just the receiver not the giver and receiver in a mutual partnership mostly with yourself and not someone who can call their shots on what they actually get.

You don't want to be blind to True gifts and to True receiving from True giving and I mean all the good and worthwhile things in a relationship you could assume or imagine that brings joy not sadness or pain and not what stalls or impedes or gets in the way of your capability or capacity to self-fulfill and to self-fulfill your Life or correcting your relationship imbalances derailing the great and wondrous unfolding of that. Just know True fulfillment is not in another person but in and from you and your source within. Look into it and see if it's not so.

We all want Love. That's for sure. We want to Love, and to be Loved. Of course. And, you know, we want that one that just, that just does it for us, that is the one. I want that for everyone looking for Love and I think we all do, for all of us. It's who we are and what we're made of and here to share and be. Totally. And it feels great. And for many of us it is to find that one to have this fulfilled. It's also as natural as taking our next breath with someone on the opposite side to catch it and our essence and who we really are. It's also as real and as True as being birthed from Love itself. It's the deep down in your gut and soul blessing and euphoric Heaven on Earth we all yearn and hope and look for without a doubt from the very beginning.

The Buddha said,

"I understand with Love comes pain, but why did I

have to Love so much."

But it's also something that does seem too scarce and for our tastes and something not often used or approached or treated in the most beneficial or most bettering of ways and not very often experienced in our more personal relationships in the way we would imagine we naturally should and maybe want to experience them. Oh, there are True fairy tales out there and grand whirlwinds of Loving and sincere sentiment and the greatest Love stories that have ever been or have ever been written and I have to believe more than the other ones. But maybe it just seems it's the other way around.

Off that not very worn path of the good ones need and negative emotion and deep, core feelings stemming from history and past experience and maybe ego problems are what's going on with some and it stops the Love train and the potential for the reverie of togetherness and gets in the way of the real Mc Coy and a real relationship and the real deal ridding high in the sky and what's really good for us and good to share in it and of it. That's what's out there and it's hurting many.

Dale Carnegie said,

When dealing with people, remember that you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion."

Ok. Well, that makes sense. Our extreme emotions and feelings and wayward thoughts can be the sticking point. They can also be as reliable as a sunrise and can almost run into into themselves and into a train or into not very good places. What else can you really talk about here. They can also bring us to everything good and, well, not so good. And if they are really off kilter, maybe especially in a relationship, you know what you can expect. So let's lay it all out there and see what we can find and see what flies in the desire for a relationship where we don't self check ourselves or get a sense of where we are inside before we embark on the grand adventure of finding someone to be with before problems start to show up and get in the way of what we want.

We keep asking what can we have or find that is True Blue and the real deal and good for us even maybe blissful and ecstatic and Truly Loving and beneficial that we can hold onto that we don't lose because of our missteps and that we can and should have and that we can settle peacefully or at least more contently in. We should first keep asking but with an openness of accepting the answers not questioning or doubting them and allow more ease and confidence into the whole process and not so much demand so everything can proceed on more stable ground and footing.

The great Persian Poet Rumi said,

"Deafened by the voice of desire you are unaware the Beloved lives in the core of your heart."

Well, one stumbling block can be we're just too hurt from a past experience and just engage and behave in the relationship through this lens and the experiences we had in it making it hard to see or feel or experience or to know anything else even though what we've really been looking for could be there. People do have or come from hurtful experiences and things that's hard for them to completely get rid of or totally process, and you know, it's just hard for them, and, you know, Life can just be hard. But if we realize this soon enough and can gather our fortitude and strength and internal faith and act on it we can begin to remove the hurt or bad experience or experiences one by one and take off the blinders to our potential and make our way to our True desire with understanding and greater insight and then take advantage of a potentially good thing and heal wounds long buried. We also may have lost a very special person and relationship and that hurts and it just can carry over into another one maybe just naturally and innocently.

Marcus Aurelius has a profound statement:

"Loss is nothing but change. And change is nature's delight."

The song (Keep Feeling) Fascination by the group The Human League has lyrics that seem to apply to this topic and discussion here. Some of them are:

Keep feeling fascination

Passion burning

Love so strong

Keep feeling fascination

Looking, learning

Moving on.

It seems a little time is needed

Decisions to be made

The forming of a new connection

To study or to play

Well the Truth may need some re-arranging

Stories to be told

And, plain to see, the the facts are changing

No meaning left to hold.

I really recommend you take a listen to the whole song.

I think it really goes with this message. And it's a fun song;)

Relationship preparedness is also a factor in getting that serious thing in your Life. You really have to be a catch before you can catch a catch. I don't mean you have to be a model or a soap opera star with all the good looks and charm and all of that, in fact, it could go against what the relationship actually needs and a detriment and you don't ever know who's behind all that. But if it's a reflection of good things of the inner, you hit the jackpot! I more mean a catch in the sense of having it more than not together and being in a place that your welcoming and embracing open arms are not already clutching or grasping and you don't have so many things with you that you unable to allow the good to accept your gracious non neediness accepting and your free non entangled welcoming and receiving. No one can be completely this great or perfect but you hope to find someone more on the good or better side of it.

It also serves to fix yourself, so to speak, so you don't have to find a fixer who isn't or who doesn't want to be one. You can't or shouldn't expect them to be that and can't expect to be given what you want or be helped with something that needs healing or attention or fixing and not give to yourself first and ask someone else to soley take on that job or assume that burden or role that's really not their part in the relationship by itself and shouldn't be your part of the relationship that they should assume it.

Everyone helps everyone or someone in some way but too often it's lopsided and overdone and one can do more than the other and can start to lose their sense of their own responsibility and the sense of their own self and real balance that can only help the relationship. Not many can do that for too long in these kinds of relationships and skate completely free. It's too draining and resentment may kick in. No one can really give you anything but by giving you, you. This may sound funny to say but if you think about it it may make sense. They help you by giving to you in this way what is only yours to give to you and can help heal you by giving back to you what is only yours to heal. You won't find this or a person like this everywhere but they're out there and you could run into one and will be lucky and blessed to have done so. The power and ability is within you. It's a sign of maturity to give to yourself what you need and what you already have and not have to rely on another. Tap into it and see what it can really do.

But It does just seem not that common to get into a worthwhile relationship these days and hard to attract one or to have for very long and more of a hard row to hoe in the process. It's possible, but has personal roadblocks and hurdles and natural problems native to it and the attraction of the unwanted that can only come from within even though it may look and feel and seem otherwise.

A sincere look into our own selves i feel is required to take that True step and make that extra effort and go that extra mile to finding that Special someone and to being in a relationship worth having and being. Where else can you start, really, and take a good look at what's happening and what anybody is doing and being. Honesty is real important here and can streamline the process and the receiving of that kind of Love as in anything or at least give you a clue of what you're up against as is the simplicity of something that should be just natural.

Freud said,

Being completely honest with yourself is, a good

exercise."

A very wise stoic quote says,

Simplicity is the greatest human virtue."

But it just seems like a circus out there boy; and no one's clowning around. Or maybe they are. People are bouncing off each other like it's a National pastime and whatever they have with someone they take it less seriously or more indifferently than not and it doesn't seem for good reason. Many are also not letting themselves be more aware of it or of who they really are. This naturally affects who they're with and how they will respond. There are a lot of people out there just in it for themselves and what only they can get out of what they're calling a relationship if they call it that at all. You know, really, I just think they're just messing around. Or they're just getting what they feel they need whatever that is but just about without considering anything else or someone else making hardly anything seem anymore as reliable or as solid or as long lasting and True and honest as it used to be and surely are not going to make it that way with what they're doing and how they're being. It's seems a new age needs a little fine tuning to get back to the good of being together of a forgotten and faithful reality.

MAYBE 2ND PODCAST

There appears to be in places out there ulterior motives and spurious agendas and almost indifference to True relations and (True connections) that I don't think used to be so much the case. You could just chalk it up to just being human in this often crazy and complicated world, but a case can be made to be better than that and to just rise above it and to treat someone like you want to be treated and be who you want to run into or have.

Often times we can get in our own way with something that can be good for us and more simple than we think

but just don't see it or just sabotage it for some reason maybe because we're afraid of it or of having something real we haven't had for a while even though we want it, or, just run into the wrong people on our way to get it. Then can hate or deny the very thing we want if it's that hard to get it or just the whole idea of it if we keep finding the ones not best suited for us. And if we get what we want almost treat it the same way if what was before is carried into the now. And, we may be afraid of it because it may take more work not that work is required or necessary but maybe if we're coming from a place before that still needs work or gets in the way of what we may have now that's real and freer we need our good energy for.

We may have good hearts and intentions but sometimes there are just things in the way of that. That tells you something is going on with some; really going on and something to look into and deal with. In the (CWG) series of books by Donald Neale Walshe God says it's human nature to Love something then kill it what we value most.

The great Greek sage Socrates said,

"From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate."

Or maybe because it's so unfamiliar because we've been in the dust bins or dungeons of our minds or of the bad or dead ones for a while or we're just so used to it all. Frankly, our heads can get in the way of our True hearts and can be left spinning and they can take over its Truer reasoning and its higher knowing. But as Jesus says, 'It's the role of insanity to take the place of Truth." Sometimes just not being patient enough for Love is the problem or core issue and that makes it a struggle but can be the key and answer to this. We often don't allow or give ourselves the patience for it. We can also just want it too much. You know, it could be just that.

A great stoic philosophy quote says,

"What controls your mind consumes your Life."

The 11th century Persian theologian and philosopher Al Ghazali (Gazali) said, "Desires make slaves out of kings and patience makes kings out of slaves."

But the past can have its way with us if we let it. In the song by the group Crosby, Stills, and Nash in their song: Judy Blue Eyes it says,

"Don't let the past remind us of what we are not now."

There's something I call the fantasy of suffering. This may sound like a funny or weird way to put something, or an off thing to say or suggest, but I think it's the reality and Truth for a lot of people out there and it's not as good as it may sound. It's an idea, or construct, you might say, also an assumption or choice for a reality suited for the hurting or suffering where they can feel good or comfortable in it for a while until they don't. It becomes the higher feeling and thought and Truth for an imagining suited for it and comfortable enough and close enough to the feeling one is in a less harmful or safer place especially if it's more familiar and farther away from what exists outside it too unknown and too fear-based and perceived to be accepted and to allow its reality to shed light on its gifts and saving grace and its assurance of the greater of reality. But IT has diminishing returns and the pitfalls and unreality of the conjured and its false Truth and painful realities. This, compounded by support structures or entities that support, validate, agree with, uphold and add to and enable it. We can have the wrong people or things helping us or in our lives.

We really know all this stuff. We really do know it. And we know which relationships are Truly lacking honesty and self awareness and which ones are good we celebrate and which ones are not so good and we don't or can't. Again it just takes honesty to get there and to find out what is really going on.

A clue into this or the initial and probably core problem or dilemma seems to be looking outside or everywhere else but beyond ourselves for something that can only come from within. Interestingly, it may come with someone, or not. Now I can hear you saying, 'Oh, well, great. That'll work. That sure works for me. Yeah yeah. A stock reply. Airey-fairy. We've heard it all before. Go within for your answer. The answer is inside you. Sure. Wa wa wa. Not in my real world pal or where I "live." A lot of good that's going to do me now since I don't see or have it." Ok. Maybe so. I get it. But ahhh, you can and you do. And you might want to reconsider what you call real or where you're living. If you haven't found that Special someone wait around. They might be around the bend.

But that's the rub and sticking point for the unaware and those stuck in what they've been seeing and doing and being, and, not realizing. You may find the Truth outside of you more than inside of you and believe it more than anything and that anything else is false and not real or True. But Nothing else can be your answer for a problem within and sometimes because of what is outside of you if you use it for its intended purpose. That's a clue. There are only riddles in life for the answers for the uncomplicated.

Jesus said,

"If you don't go within, you go without."

He also said,

"If you bring forth what is within you what you bring

forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is

within you what you do not bring forth will destroy

you."

Nuff said.

But still, I'm sure this seems too simplistic and too esoteric and pie in the sky and might sound like a weird statement or a dichotomy of sorts or inappropriately suggested or applied semantics. It can also seem like a play with words with the aforementioned quotes even a confusing one as I said before to just say to go within. You may even say that's not my reality or my thing or gonna fly or where I am and it's not gonna work for me. That's sort of the problem and maybe all along and a dicey thing to consider or believe and carry around with you and to just live. But It is the answer to it all. You may be wondering and asking just what does it all mean.

But If you stick with me though you may find it's wrought and filled with the Truth or understanding of it all and that outside it very little can be it or Truly understood or appreciated or could bring one its fruits of True and worthwhile togetherness value or possible answers in the search for Love.

The great ancient writer and philosopher Rumi said,

"The desire to know your own soul will end all other desires."

The Danish theologian, philosopher, Poet, and writer Soren Kierkegaard said,

'The most common form of despair is not being who you are."

If you haven't found yourself you can't expect to go out looking for someone in hopes they find you. Also, if you're not self honest you'll be a lie and dishonest to everything and everyone else and the false Truth you want to force people to take and accept at all cost even to you disguised as real and good and you blinded and overtaken by the need for someone in your life. If you can't be known to others you can't be known to anything and will be known only to every false version of yourself and every false relationship that will, or can only be, untrue to you and what you really want and to every experience that will honor and oblige and shout its name in your honor.

No doubt having someone in our lives is one of the most fulfilling and most incredible and greatest experiences, and many would say, the greatest experience, one can have and should be pursued. An intimate and personal and Loving relationship lets us feel we are not alone in Life that we are worthy and valid and good for another more than what we may feel about ourselves and more than in just the acquaintance or casual friend kind of way as good and as valuable and worthwhile, even, as great as that or as they can be also. And sometimes it can lead to life long partnerships.

Rumi said,

"What you seek is seeking you."

There's no game playing with these in this type of relationship. There's, you know, too much of that around you know. There are some out there that think it's just what you do still and it is a game to them, you know, just yanking people around. They're used to it. And they're good at it. It's not fair though to the more honest and sincere person just looking for a worthwhile and good thing. Those others are not real or any good at all. But if they're not real and don't get anyone what they really want if they really want it or something that is good and just hurts them and everyone in the long run, what good really is it and why not put energy into something that gives you better and more and that actually works. But, they may have cut themselves off from feeling anything like this.

The reality is some people just want you for a Toy or a play thing. No, thank you. I personally have better things to do with my time. This is not being negative or judgmental at all but is just what's out there. It needlessly wastes everyone's time in the long run and doesn't give anything good or real and enduring. It takes away the time someone needs and wants to have to work on something good and just causes undo heartache and stress and causes more work to undo for the unaware not to mention it's not fun to experience.

Loneliness is a very valid and real and common experience and thread here for many of us and to say we shouldn't feel affected or bothered by it or suffer because of its gnawing and deep in the gut feelings of separate ness and being alone is to be insensitive and indifferent to human nature and to our need for connections and the presence of another and to be non cognizant of this reality. This is very real and hard for a lot of people and we should understand that. This is when we have to dig deep and keep trying to make it to the top of the hill of our selves where we don't lack or need but are wondrously and euphoricly and Sweetly fulfilled and with the source with and of it all.

Rumi also said,

"Do not feel Lonely. The entire Universe is inside you."

The great electrical engineer and scientist Nikola Tesla said,

"Be alone, that is the secret to invention; be alone, that is when ideas are born."

The great Roman statesman and philosopher and Emperor Marcus Aurelius said,

"The first step: don't be anxious. Nature controls it all."

He also said,

"The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing."

So True. But my very dear mom in Heaven said that Life is a sacred dance." So poetic from my moma and few things as True. I'd be very remiss if i didn't mention that.

But wait. What, though, what gets in the way of just finding that someone and our better feelings and experiences. Something has to get in the way, otherwise we would find and be in more enduring and connected partnerships and it wouldn't be that hard and would just feel better however it goes.

A casual observation tells us we are finding or accepting the wrong people and it just seems we want more than just what we think of ourselves or what we're being in our everyday in the Life but also not being it, and we want more than what our lives or the world has to offer or showing us we're not contributing to or giving ourselves in a helpful way for us that lends to its giving that tends to leave us half satisfied or crestfallen and hanging, and, feeling just left out.

We just want that someone to be our "all of it" and that "everything," or more than we got. You may ask what do you have to do to get that Special one in your life and the "right" relationship. But also maybe you have to ask what do you have and what have you given yourself first in Loving acceptance and self fulfilling joy, because they surely don't have it, or have you contributed to the relationship in a meaningful and beneficial way for yourself and then another. You have to be careful not to just let things start sliding down the lane and streets of broken hearts and not go where you want it to go for reasons you may not know or be aware of. You could just jeopardize losing the very thing you want because of them.

The famed and popular and great Brothers group, The BEE GEES, have lyrics in a song that go,

I started a joke and got the world crying. But I couldn't see that the joke was on me."

Control is also a factor that will absolutely never work in a relationship and who can honestly say that's a good way to go to get what you want and to keep it and not instead lose what you're holding on to too tightly you doubt can or will stay with you. It usually doesn't and it never is.

Something is missing here that encompasses All of our being in every aspect and in every positive and elevated way that another may be an integral part that's natural for us to have and good for us and that can be fruitful and mutually beneficial. It's our natural state and it can also be the right concoction and have in it the right recipe and ingredients and pieces and the right process at work for the making of a relationship that just seems to work. And It can be just what the Doctor ordered.

But it's rare, highly tinged and affected by or geared towards expectation, great need, doubt, and a sense of all is lost or without [without] that one in our lives, incredibly drama filled or oriented often coming from past or prior pain and hurt and with damage to the soul in some way, and a great desire almost desperate to have someone fix or clean it all up not to mention depleted or sorely strained of self awareness and self honesty and sometimes too self centered and not in a good way. It can also be greedy, to be honest, to make anything work very much at all for all the right and good reasons. The funny or ironic thing is there are some who have a lot of positive and good energy going in the wrong directions and think what they want is going to come out or be a result of it. But it's still often fear-based within them maybe why all the over the top phantom feelings or whatever their doing for it.

There's a great quote from the ancient sage and philosopher Seneca. He said,

You act like mortals in all that you fear, and like immortals in all that you desire."

Another key aspect of relationships also is that I feel people just try to find themselves and their happiness in others. Someone can play a part in and help you in finding that real person inside you without a doubt but you just got to make sure it's not overdone where you then can't take over. I'm saying beyond and more than the normal and good for us way of connecting with another soul in common and beneficial and engaging ways in our humanity, which we all need and it could be mutually beneficial. I'm more talking about those more intimate and deeper relationships and connections where it's heightened and expanded and just gets too big and filled with romantizism and fantasies of Love where it's easy to lose yourself.

We can't Truly find complete fulfillment in another person because ultimately that's not where it is or where it should be or where we really are. It could feel like it is and that they have a part of us, or more, but, you know, it's just got to be not completely there or in them. Surely you can find a semblance of who you are in another to better yourself and can find some fulfillment there and satisfaction, especially if they are a good and Special person, but it's always supposed to just go back to you to really know or find it. They're just beacons back to the Island of you. And that's IN YOU. If they make you happy or help you find that person inside you, that's great, but it shouldn't be because you're not involved or really the reason for it and the answer not just because of it. You're always involved, and you're always the reason, and you're always the answer.

MAYBE PODCAST 3

There's a lot of baggage people are walking around with out there. You might be saying tell me another one I don't know. I do think some have less than others. But some of those who really have it are unwilling or unable (it's been said, btw, they are the same thing) to just lay it to the wayside or in the useless past section of the baggage claim area and won't let go of its handles and sometimes to handle it in the right way. This hampers or even kills a potentially good relationship even though that's what they really want and what they're after and probably wish they were more free and clear so they can have it.

They bring it into a relationship and maybe even unconsciously and hope and maybe expect the other in the relationship accepts it as they hope to process and try to work it out with them, because maybe they couldn't do it alone or just by themselves. They hope their partner helps them renew their Life away from what they had and what they experienced. The partner may actually do that, if so, give him or her a GOLD STAR . But, I don't know if you can count on that all the time and you might be rolling the dice here. They hope they can form new, greater experiences and feelings and True connections with their new, True Love. And all that went on may have not been all bad and maybe because of the new relationship they realize and remember what good was there that may even make this new relationship even better maybe even because of it. This is the best case senario but, I hate to say but, again, but, well, you can guess what i was gonna say.

Old baggage is just old baggage and it just oozes the same and not much good really does come out of it, especially if it's not delt with or seen in the right way. Only with and through awareness and revelations of what it was and what it doesn't have to be anymore can you turn something really useless into a new thing that has no more revelance or purpose or duty in your life serving the only purpose it ever had. Nothing has to be what it isn't anymore especially when it's not. It also muddies the waters too much of anything good you may have to have any good or beneficial effect on it, and in fact, adversely affects it since it's usually old, negative stuff that can spin the whole thing, or a good relationship, out of control leaving people to wonder what happened. Those who have had this kind of past are often not clear-eyed enough because of it and not free enough to just start anew. Not everybody is doing this or having this great of a problem, but i tell ya, it's out there and maybe I'm being very generous about that.

They have to do the clearing work, otherwise a useless leftover of what was is what'll still there that will run the show and have its way. And if there are emotions and things or feelings not yet dealt with from a previous relationship or situation, well, there you have it and that just doesn't help anything and anyone and can cause so many more problems than not or than solves them or any answers. I know easy to say than to just have them go away but you have to state the obvious and a key issue here.

Sigmund Freud said,

'Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and they will come forth in uglier ways.'

In a relationship, and in a similar way, the dichotomy of 'not so good for me but maybe not so bad for me with or because of you. Or, not so great for you, but better and not so worse for me, is also what hamstrings and derails and takes apart a lot of relationships and makes it hard on one if not both involved but usually on the one not thinking or being this way or still dealing with things so much and is not in this particular state or place. It's just a hard thing for anyone to assume or take on and process. Only the strongest souls and Loves may try. On the extreme end It can be a Hell on wheels for the better or freer of the two. It just makes it so much harder for them else though they may try if they feel it's worth it enough. But you got to feel for anybody in that situation. It's not uncommon at some point that it doesn't go very well.

This can definitely ruin relationships on a good day. It's hitting the Off button on the good of good relationship building. Sometimes it's just good ole hard headedness or stubbornness like, 'it's what I got' so take it or leave it.' There a chance, you know, they could leave it. For the one putting all this on them it's how the my Uncle Mike was fond of putting it or saying with my personal application here: "They've got some work to do."

The Buddha said,

A Relationship does not die a natural death. It is killed by Ego, attitude, and ignorance."

He also said, "Ego is just a small three letter word, which can destroy a big twelve letter word called Relationship."

The great Greek writer and sage Socrates said,

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy,

not on fighting the old, but on building the new."

In this kind of relationship is where a relationship can die an unnatural death and where a partner can be in a hard or bad way or bad place if he/she decides to take a chance on being that Life-cleaning or Life-clearing hero and gives it a whirl for the other involved who's not quite there yet and maybe will take all they can get. You just want to pray for those people who have it a little more together who are just good, Sweetly-natured people who try to be the whole of, or the everything for, another person because they Love and care for them. It seems Love can sure have its challenges.

I don't think it can be denied that we're here for each other in small or even big ways. We don't live alone in this world and in a lot of ways this is why we're here. And it can be a beautiful thing that's for sure. But the problem with being someone's Person Life correction or personal Life assistant, especially in an often complicated relationship and just in Life in general but maybe to a lesser degree, again, not that that's always bad and we do want to help and often can, it's just that everyone's pretty busy being their own and it's not ultimately our purpose or responsibility. But it is our ultimate purpose and responsibility to allow others to be their own. If we don't more keep to our side and step over the line to much we can lose ourselves and our sense of self and our True responsibity and work ability in our relationship and the work ability to fine tune our real selves.

Many though don't have patience or tolerance for themselves but they ask sometimes non verbally for the other to do that which is worse because it's subtle or silent so they put all their attention and time and focus on giving someone else their false selves hoping to reap and receive the True by it and what they want but really the best of almost nothing.

Now, there are stories and accounts of one-sided relationships that actually do work out somehow, or seem to, probably because of reciprocation of Love and shared interests and goals and because of implied or more obvious agreement of respective roles maybe be even promises of working together. And that can be very Sweet and Beautiful to see. There may be issues but they tend to not be as bad. This kind of relationship can be beautiful and balanced and just works out swimmingly even with two ridding off in the distance in their Beautiful Love and mutual partnership in a Life-long adventure of Love.

But some are not yet set up for this to be their experience or lucky enough to have this kind of togetherness or situation and don't have yet the internal awareness for it. They also may not yet be choosing to be this good in it to have this rare but ideal relationship experience. It is a mature way to go though but not always how it goes. As they say, that's just the facts, mam.

But it's that's not the role or the job of the relationship hero whomever that may be to do all that saving and it shouldn't be the role of the other to take from them all that they can get. It's just too much and will leave this other person in the relationship ultimately unhappy and strained or tired or worn out and with a big revelation or realization of what they've been trying to do and what they've gotten themselves into. The one needing the help or the extra added attention or fixing won't be in a good way either because they are looking away from, and being in opposition to, the answers they can only be and are and have and Who they Really Are. That smarts on itself alone. I think the most.

There are just takers out there who don't mind just taking what they want not leaving or offering anything good maybe even not expecting anything good for themselves as strange as that sounds and don't mind if they just start wiping you out. It reminds me of the old song from way back BAD COMPANY.

In a song from The Guess Who it has very app (appropriate) lyrics. From their song NO TIME:

'No time for my watch and chain

No time for revolving doors

No time for the killin' floor

There's no time left for you

'I found myself some wings

Distant roads are calling me

No time for a summer friend

No time for the Love you send'

Seasons change and so did I

You need not wonder why'

I do think and believe there are those who are not trying to inadvertently sabotage the relationship or themselves or trying to cause hurt or drain on the other partner in any way or cause undo heartache or strain on them or on the relationship or just in it for themselves. They may be more earnest and sincere about their desires or goals and for whatever reason are unable to do or be a little better than they're being or doing or to act in a way that actually helps it and are more innocent and Sweeter and more unknowing than what it may look like or seem to be. They just have too much momentum going in the other or wrong direction that's hard to stop or to pull the reigns up on or to stop that runnaway train and maybe they're just worn out and tired of it all. Understandable. Yet It's hard to deny they are out there. But the end result is the same, unfortunately.

The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said,

"When we are tired we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago."

There may be various degrees to this and not so much in the extreme or dramatic here, but it has to be said it's enough to experience any of it for anyone dealing with any of this is, but it always seems one person in the relationship is in a harder way and up a long, hard hill and may want to just get out of dodge or should before they forget what they were in it for and who they really are. Who wouldn't want to. If they don't, they just continue to lose themselves and everything just goes to You know where in a hand basket. Every relationship and everyone teaches us something if we are willing learners and get out of our way a bit. But sometimes they do more than just teach but also cause a revolution in our souls. That's good, very good.

The ancient writer and philosopher Epictetus said,

"Circumstances don't make the man, they only reveal him to himself."

I'd like to read to you something I was inspired to write one day recently.

There are the hurting who want to be watching and experiencing the greatest Love story ever made or told resplendent with Beautiful vistas and Loving relationships and Love affairs and happiness unparalleled in the Love Story of Life and in the reverie of its every Loving touch and sentiment of heart. Togetherness is what they're after in the mutual sharing of the reverie of their Oneness in Love. But they see what is not there to Love and what they would be Loved by and see instead what they have forsaken of it. They have the channel instead set on the nights' horror movie offering, and, stories with monsters and cloaked, dark beings hiding in the shadows and fearful stories and sad and not good endings or a Loving plot. But they only need change the channel and change the story and scene long dried of tears long enough and open themselves to the Love they have for themselves another could be made a part and see in themselves as well and shed instead tears of Joy. What you're doing is not working to have what you want and where you're getting it from. The answers are not there. You're looking, but are not seeing what's right in front of you. The good only exists and is not in doubt and you shouldn't be nor your wellness. You're not here to suffer, but also, you are here to know by it who you are and your True strength and to self realize. Since you've chosen, this is worth the pain if you but have faith in the process and the outcome. You just haven't known or realized this yet. You're in survival mode but don't have to be. You've already survived and can thrive and don't have to endure this false thinking or false believing. You're a survivor and have a lot to offer some will know soon and you are stronger than you think and made for greater and more beautiful things. These are to your liking and yours to keep. You are trying and are earnest, but your efforts and energies need to be more directed and focussed upwards where they can surely make a difference.

And you're broadcasting your desires in the dark and in useless places when you want to be in a lighted studio so the signal can go out not just beam back and return more of the same in a place that can do something for you. But that is within you and where you really are. You've created a space unable to lift you from where you are but as easily can create the place where you rather be. But it's no where that's True or real. Don't sacrifice for the false. You are Truth, which is not without and is free. You were created for peace and peace is who you are. You have what it takes. Use your only True power. Great things await you and they're just ahead and extend their compassionate hands and they will wipe your tears long dried of your struggles. All you need is to take them and beging to heal, You're here for a reason. As soon as you realize this you'll find the cause for everything and will be empowered and finally be on your way towards healing and lasting happiness. So know your Truth and investigate Spirit and offer yourself patience and acceptance and your own Love of understanding. This is all that is required of you and all that you need. The rest will unfold and will take care of itself. You will rest and find peace in it; and the Love that is deserving of you will be there but you have to Love yourself first and be there for it; It's the greatest Love, and there is no other. And then you will find your release and will be that great Love story of your dreams and of Ever.

Balance in our Being and in our souls and in our lives is key to avoiding unnecessary situations and experiences you can almost predict if we don't have it you can say especially in our more intimate and personal relationships. Some things can be obvious enough or starkly apparent but seem not there and can be little palpable or noticed when something doesn't work out very well or for too long and can even fall apart because of them and it's often why relationships end up where they go and what they are. Expectation is a big matter here. There are some who put this in right away and make a key to, and the motivating force or driver for, getting into a relationship. For some it's how it all starts that soon falters or disintegrates what could of been good or great and becomes not what it was hoped to be, because what's expected may not happen and may leave someone disappointed or upset even though what they didn't expect could be what they actually want and can actually get,

In the book series by Donald Neale Walshe God says 'expectation kills relationships.'

There are lyrics in a song that I like that go,

'Watch out for what you're asking for, baby. You might just get it. And the other will be burning down the house 365 degrees.'

Benjamin Franklin said,

"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never

be disappointed."

I'll bet you're thinking, "well, yeah. Sure. I won't be disappointed. 'But I'll still have nothing and no one!!' 'What a way to expect!' True. But who's to say something has to make you feel not disappointed. And who's to say this neediness less state or feeling or approach won't get you what you actually want you free because of it. And anyway who doesn't like not being disappointed.

But unfortunately the work required (because the work has become needed requirement and required because of the neglect of being more self aware and responsible in affairs of the heart) to lighten expectation and forced actions on the matter will not be done when the work has been more in its stalling or derailing as unhelpful emotions and deep feelings are front and center and the only real things that matter. There isn't the thought, "no. That's too much. And I can't have what I want this way, but I believe I can. It may take a while but I know I can have it. It's more of, "No! I must have it! And I don't want to wait for it! "And only this way! But I also won't contribute to making it happen." That's usually how it can go.

In (CWG) God also takes about obligation less relationships and says, 'never do anything in relationships out of a sense of obligation,' adding, 'do whatever you do out of a sense of the glorious opportunity your relationship affords you to decide, and to be, who You Really Are.'

He continues to say, 'Relationship was created as your perfect tool in the work of the soul. Why human relationships are sacred ground. Why every personal relationship is Holy. God informs more here to say, 'Don't think longevity in a relationship or just holding onto one is a job well done or that it means it's been a success.'

There very well could be times or situations that the one needing the most help in finding in themselves the right or better way to be in a relationship is the one bettering the relationship by first being an example or mirror of what's wrong in the partnership being on the stark and extreme end of things and may have some keener observations and clearer revelations and insights captured and garnered by their experiences and where they've been, utilizing its strength and good and positive forward momentum in the right direction they can share with their significant other if they are open and honest and giving in this way helping the whole cause. So, it's a win-win for everybody and everyone involved.

You know, we all got stuff. We all (chuckling) got stuff we have to work on. And thank God for that because that just means we are growing and evolving and getting better; and where and what would we be without that. Nothing would be there if there wasn't a reason for it. And we can all use a little work to get it right. No one's perfect and has it all right. But as my dear Dad would say, "It's a process and a work in progress." And that's the game and the name of the game and the beauty and wonder of it and the magic of our findings and final Homecoming back to the Truth and back to ourselves.

Let's help each other out with it because as they say we're all in this together.

I'd like to share now some profound and poetic words and lyrics from who my mom called Blue eyes, Frank Sinatra, in his song I DID IT MY WAY:

'What is a man. What has he got. If not himself then he has not.'

The great Persian Poet Rumi said,

I prayed for a soulmate and realized I am the one. I prayed for Love and realized it's always knocking, but I have to allow it in."

Lastly a Buddha quote:

"In the end, only three things matter:

how much you Loved,

how gently you lived,

and how gracefully you

let go of things not

meant for you."

Goodbye for now, and blessings,

always!